I’ve been in and out of therapy/counseling for just a few years shy of a couple decades. I don’t think I ever stuck with any of them for more than a month or so – except for one that I would see for a couple months, then stop, then start again, then stop. Eventually I realized I didn’t think I was actually getting anywhere with her, it was just that the hour long process of dissecting events of the past week amused me most with her.
Finally, I started warning them during the first or second visit. “I tend to just disappear, stop calling and coming.”
This has been my way with most everything – relationships I wanted out of, men I didn’t want to see anymore, jobs I no longer wanted, classes I grew bored with or didn’t feel I was doing well enough in, friends I didn’t want to be friends with anymore.
The second last therapist I said this to, a Gestalt style hippy Czech man with wild, curly hair, nodded at me knowingly and said, “I can sense this about you,” and asked if he should challenge me, confront me if I did this. That kind of weirded me out. Like, what, do I want my therapist to stalk me? After two weeks of his weird Gestalt, hippy bullshit, I did just that. Stopped calling.
He didn’t chase me, thank god.
Then I got a referral from a friend of mine in Prague, who is also a therapist and either I was just finally ready or she was that good, or a combination of both, but I stuck with her. For a year and a half. And the hardest part about leaving Prague was leaving her. I trusted her, I’d gone through a lot with her, I felt I’d been making progress, she took me seriously and dammit, she just got me. I am absolutely serious when I say that if I ever visit Prague again, I’m going to go see her, just once, just cause.
I’m in a position to start looking for a new therapist/psychologist and the process is not incomparable to trying to date again after coming out of a long-term relationship, and one that you didn’t want to leave, at that.
I met with one, shortly after I arrived in LA but her fee is too high and she doesn’t accept my insurance. It kind of breaks my heart because I liked her, she reminded me of V, my therapist in Prague. Her mannerisms, her direct & no-nonsense way of speaking, even her style. It was a perfect match.
So now I’ve done a search for therapists in the area who accept the insurance I have. I might have to consider broadening the geographical possibilities because I’m just not feeling anyone in the current shortlist. No one strikes my fancy, there’s no spark. Not to mention there’s a lot of the hippy dippy soul bullshit style of therapy out here. I read their profiles and if I see the words “heart and soul” or anything about spirituality, they’re out. I like spirituality just fine, but not in my therapy. I don’t want to hear words like “heart-healing” or “god” or “goddess.” I like my therapy like I like everything else – no pain, no gain. Gritty, jarring, right to the point. I want someone who will challenge me or really, what’s the point?
Then, I look for their pictures. If one is not included in their profile, I almost nearly toss them aside unless there’s something in their write-up that makes me want to contact them anyway. Why is it important to like what I see when I’m spilling all my dirty secrets to someone once a week for however long? Or it could just be an excuse, who knows. Honestly, one of them looks too much like a hippy (and what’s with my obsessive need to avoid “hippy” in therapy?), one of them just looks to out-of-touch with the times, one of them too harsh, etc. I don’t want someone who looks like they could be my mother or kindly grandmother. I want someone who looks modern, strong, maybe a little tough.
I will not choose a male therapist because I either fall into a submissive, you-are-authority-male-figure mode or feel constantly threatened and on guard about the male/female dynamic.
This one looks ok, but her profile says something about “Freudian” something or other. And I think that I think that Freud is in idiot. There’s also mention of “Crossroads in your life” and “your deeply treasured goals.” Blech and Blech. Then again, I’m just intensely uncomfortable with any kind of sappy, emotional, or “deeply treasured” words.
Here’s one who sounds very no-nonsense and removed, however, she doesn’t have a picture. I really want to see a picture. BUT, she’s been practicing for 25+years.
“I incorporate elements of Buddhist Psychology and yoga into my practice…” No. Oh, hell no.
That one employs use of EMDR, which is something V had begun with me and I’m definitely interested in exploring that further.
She looks nice, but she’s only been practicing for a couple years and I don’t want to be your learning experience. Trust me, even the seasoned pros have a hard time with me.
Hmm. She specializes in PTSD and looks just right, however, she’s only been practicing 6 years.
Ooh, but SHE looks a lot like V. That’s the one I want.
Ok, so there’s where it stops resembling dating, for me. I’ve never dated anyone because they looked like someone else. While I’ve subconsciously had a very bad pattern, consciously I’ve only ever dated someone specifically because they were the exact opposite of everything else – which turns out to be just as bad.
(Fortunately, I did not wind up with Boyfriend because he was part of a bad pattern or because he was the exact opposite of anything, but only because we seemed to fit and he felt like something that would do me good.)
We shall see if I get responses from the ones I’m interested in. And then, you know, we can arrange our first date. I suppose I’d meet them at theirs. Oh, I wish I could post pictures here (that would just be mean and unethical). Whatever happened to Baby Jane? I found her, she’s advertising her services in Los Angeles. Aw… I’m sure she’s a nice woman, but it’s hard to see any wisdom behind all that rouge.