seedling

Had my second doctor appointment today – ultrasound in the morning, then I go see the midwives later this afternoon.

I’m really disappointed in the printout they gave us today, it’s not nearly as good as the many images we saw while there – images where it actually looked like a human being.  As soon as it came up on the screen, Hank actually said, “Woah! That actually looks like something!”  And both of us could easily identify the arms and it’s face (prominent nose, just like both of us.)

I think that the technicians and doctors are used to having women get all weepy and cry tears of joy and happiness over this stuff… and then there’s me.  Do they wonder what’s wrong with me? During our first ultrasound appointment, I immediately exclaimed, “Jesus, that looks like an alien.”  Today, as we looked at the screen, the thing suddenly did a full body hop.  I immediately burst into hysterics.  The technician kept the wand on my stomach, which only made it move around more, which only made me crack up even harder.  “Did IT do that?” I asked?  Apparently so.  I had no idea these creatures were so active this early on.  But oh boy, was it ever.  The technician wanted to get it into different positions to check things, so she would firmly tap my stomach with the wand (wand?), causing it to roll over and shake around.

Nothing quite so funny as those unprovoked, full body hops, though.

And I thought – that’s why I get up to pee twenty times a night, already.  S/he’s pouncing on my bladder.  Probably on purpose, revenge for referring to it as demon seed, the thing, and creature.

I kept having fits of giggles throughout and at one point I think it started to morph into freaked out crying, which I covered with more giggling.  Sigh.  One of these days I’m going to be so hormonal I’m going to snap and start having real, “proper” emotions.

I wonder what it is about women who plan for this and have no qualms about being pregnant that it seems to be so more tangible for them? Cause for me, it’s like a shock to see that ultrasound screen because, other than my pants being too tight and two skirts that used to be too big suddenly fitting, it’s hard to remember that I’m pregnant.  I mean, I remember, but it feels so abstract.  Other than those first couple weeks where I felt crappy, I’ve been (as I mentioned in a previos post, I think) really lucky, physically.  I’m tired.  Annoyingly so.  But I feel fine.

Oh, but let’s talk about those tight pants, shall we?  I’d seriously been having a hard time figuring out if the way I looked and the tight pants were bloating or, ya know, the baby. So to speak.  I thought it might be bloating, because my size seems to fluctuate so much when I look in the mirror.  Some days my stomach would still seem mostly flat, then in the afternoons, I’d look all puffy and bloated around there.  Though, I think it’s probably been a week or so since I looked “flat.”  However, today, the doctor weighed me and I spent 10 minutes whining about my weight.  I’ve gained 6 pounds since my last appoint a few weeks ago, and a total of 13 pounds from my not pregnant weight.  In not quite 13 weeks.  At the low (and, to me, desireable) end, I should gain a total of 25 pounds.  I’m halfway there already?  In only 3 months?  Dude.  Somebody needs to walk more.  (I pretend like it could be muscle or something, from all the yoga I’ve been doing, but… please.)

Honestly, I don’t feel like I eat much at all – not enough, probably, because I simply can’t eat a lot at a time without feeling uncomfortably full.  So I nibble all day, but I’ve just never been a huge eater and I’m not really eating more than I did before I was pregnant.  (I know that I talk a lot about cupcakes, and one might think I was eating cupcakes every day, but in reality, I’ve made it a once weekly ritual.  You’d know why if you had a cupcake from Vanilla Bake Shop.  But eating cupcake or ice cream or cookie type things has always been a weekly thing for me.)

So *I* thought I was going to be scolded for not gaining.  I was convinced I’d actually weight less than my last appointment, because I’d just eaten quite a bit before the last appointment and honestly, I really was a lot more bloated then.  But nope.  6 more pounds.

I told Hank how much I weighed now and his eyebrows shot up, which was comforting.  “Really?  Where is it?” he asked.  I know, right?  So I shouldn’t think about that number too much because it’s not like I’ve let myself go and ballooned up in the past few weeks.  This kid just has a really big, heavy brain.