tell it like it is

Ok, so – I’m just going to put this out there because it was something I was really worried about, regarding the whole giving birth/life after baby thing and, when I was pregnant, I wanted DETAILS to put my mind at ease.

The birds and the bees, baby. Sex. Sex after giving birth.

Another reason I want to put this out there – because I am SICK AND TIRED of reading stories or hearing from people that got c-sections and the nurses or doctors (or themselves) actually made snide remarks like, “Well, at least your husband will still enjoy sex with you now.” No shit. People (medical professionals) have actually said that.

Or my very close Czech friend who’s been dying to have a baby and planned on having a c-section to keep everything “tight” down there (as per her boyfriend’s wishes. Who is, thankfully, now her ex boyfriend.)

I had an all natural, vaginal birth with zero tearing and I am telling you the god’s honest truth that sex now isn’t just “as good” as it was, it’s actually better. I don’t mean in an abstract “oh, we’re so much closer now” or something kind of way. I mean just physically. Down and dirty. It FEELS better. I’d read a great article in Elle magazine awhile back that even said it was sometimes EASIER for women to have orgasms after giving birth:

7. Look on the bright side. I have friends who have reported a surprising side effect after giving birth—they can achieve orgasm more easily. (Indeed, in one study, 15 to 20 percent of the women reported improved orgasmic function in the six months postpartum.) Theories abound: that the increased blood flow to the reproductive organs during pregnancy leaves the area with permanently superior vascularization; that all that stretching and shifting somehow moves their hot zones into more favorable locations; that maybe bigger vaginas are actually better. Beverly Whipple, PhD, RN, Professor Emerita at Rutgers University and an expert on the G-spot, says she’s had “anecdotal reports along these lines, especially with responsiveness of the G-spot,” but that there are no studies on the topic. (Researchers tend to get more interested when things go wrong than when they go right.) Paget also has witnessed this phenomenon and theorizes that areas of nerve sensitization may shift or that the “vaginal cavity has greater flexibility after a vaginal delivery, making it easier for the head of your partner’s penis to hit your G-spot.”

Now, I never had a bad, or even mediocre sex life to begin with and that whole orgasm thing was never all that difficult. I didn’t think it would be possible, but there is now, by far, more sensation (superior vascularization, ahoy!) and yes, it takes even less time for the big O. The first time we did it, after Felix was born, I was pretty nervous. Petrified, even. What would Mr Nikki think? Would it feel different to him? Worse? Would he be struggling for something nice to say? All those fears were unfounded. He was pretty damn happy afterward.

Even more to the point? He got offended and completely took it the wrong way when I announced that he even felt bigger to me now (he took it the wrong way because I suppose, to his male mind, that sounded like I’d been wanting an increase in size when I’d honestly had absolutely no complaints whatsoever, hubba hubba). But, ya know… that means that not only did it not get all worn & stretched out down there, but it may have even sprung back into place tighter than it had been before! WOOT!

TMI yet?

Now, I’m not saying that this will always be the case for everyone. And I don’t know if it’s simply genetics, the fact that I had a natural birth, that I didn’t tear, all the yoga I’ve done, or maybe that I’ve done kegels for something like the past DECADE – but my point is, you don’t need to make the assumption that having a baby destroys your sex life. It means that if you hear someone make a rude comment about how things fall apart down there after having a baby, you can slap the sh*t out of them. I had the very weird experience of having 3 women (my midwife and her helpers) crouching on the bed to examine my crotch and exclaim to each other about the nearly pristine condition of every one of my two thousand and one parts. Right after giving birth.

Oh, and yes, I’m serious. I’ve done kegels for a very long time. Why? I don’t know, probably because I’ve always been a pretty hyper sexual person. And I kept on doing them throughout pregnancy because, being someone who went through a period of defining myself through my sexuality, I was deeply, deeply terrified of what was going to happen to me after giving birth.

I can’t tell you, for sure, that that’s why I’m in such good shape now but I can tell you that I’ll bet the kegels have a lot to do with it. So if you take nothing else from what I’m saying now, even if you decide that you hate me after reading this – at least DO YOUR KEGELS. But please don’t hate me for it – I would just like people to know that giving birth doesn’t equal the end of sex. It can be just as good, it can be better. See? God isn’t out to punish women, after all.