This wasn’t intentionally for mother’s day, I just happened to read this, this morning – about how (or if) birth influences you as a mother.
I don’t know, for me if Nugget’s birth INFLUENCED how I mother, so much as it was an indicator of how I would be as a mother. The postpartum doula who came over to help for a few hours at one point had said something about how children know when their mother fights for them, from day one.
It had been a long, long time since I felt that I was anything that resembled “rebellious.” (Something I used to get labeled all the time.) As an adult now, I didn’t feel so much “rebellious” as “I do things a little differently.” But all throughout the days leading up to his birth and the weeks after – and even now – I was called & have been called several times over the past few months – “rebellious”, “a fire cracker,” “hot headed,” “spunky,” and “strong-willed.”
So, for Nugget’s birth, I attempted to follow the “rules” because I was new to all this. But as I gained in confidence and learned more, my instincts kicked in and while I’ve often been terrible at following my instincts when it comes to things involving myself, when it comes to my kid (pregnancy, birth), they are my sole guide. I challenged everything, I wanted to know why why why, and when I didn’t agree, I sought out alternatives that were more in line with my beliefs and what I felt was best for him.
And that, surely, will be how my “mothering” style will play out over his lifetime.