Last night we ate spaghetti & french bread, with raw butter and watched Weeds & Nurse Jacquie. When Nurse Jacquie was over, Hank turned off the tv, kneeled down in front of me and said something about how, long before The Nugget came along, this was forever. He then tried not to roll his eyes at me as I sat there squirming and giggling nervously after he said, “Will you marry me?”
I didn’t think he’d literally need an answer to that, I mean… duh. I half thought he was going to ask me the first month after we’d met and I’d have said yes. Well, actually, I didn’t say yes as squeak out an “ok.”
Luckily, he knows I’m kind of retarded with emotional situations, so he didn’t take the squirming personally. Even though I probably forced his hand when I saw him grab a box from outside and dart into the bedroom – I got suspicious and kept wanting to know what he was hiding. He’d also said he’d contemplated going out to eat somewhere nice and asking me there, but… then he remembered that it’s me he’s dealing with and there’s very little I hate more than attention and people staring at me, especially if it’s and emotional thing.
Yes, I’m difficult to the nth power, but nothing’s ever seemed to deter him.
It wasn’t a HUGE surprise, because we’d been talking about it for ages, even before he knocked me up. What was a surprise is that he’d gone and found the link I’d sent him months ago, to a ring that wasn’t crazy expensive, nor diamond, but that I’d seen online and loved and said I’d have bought myself if I had the money.
The ring he’d been looking at and wanted to buy me was $6k, which I think is an obscene amount of money for a piece of jewelry, even an engagement ring. It was a very pretty ring and of course I wouldn’t have hated it, but I just can’t reconcile spending that much on something just for show. He was pretty insistent about spending at least a few grand because a) he likes to spoil me, b) he didn’t want anyone to think he was cheap and c) he just likes nice things. My philosophy is – we’ve got a baby on the way. Save the money for more important things. Like our trip to Thailand. *smile* His ex girlfriend wanted a bank-breaking ring from Tiffany’s – I’ve never in my life been one of those types of girls.
So when he stuck this ring on my finger, that was a surprise.
I have a love/hate relationship with the color pink, but for some reason, I just fell in love with this when I saw it. It’s a man-made Ruby, which makes me happy because I’ve always been strongly against conflict diamonds. And in thinking about it, I wondered if any stone was really “conflict free?” It’s an antique, circa 1920, which makes me happy because I love antique rings – and I also figure that if it’s lasted for that long, it stands a chance of not being destroyed and banged around by yours truly.
He informed me that it’s a “starter ring,” however, as he still seems hell bent on buying something super expensive, anyway. If he does, I’ll keep wearing this ring and put the new one on a chain. Can’t beat the sentimentality of this one, now.
As for actually doing it – the getting married part? I thought it was hysterical that someone implied that I was an attention whore the other day, because I go far, far out of my way to avoid being in the spotlight. I don’t want a wedding. I’ve never wanted a wedding. I’ve had all kinds of neat ideas for a Fall wedding, but I never actually wanted to go through with any of them. The idea of walking any distance with a whole bunch of people watching me (family & friends or otherwise) as I do this huge thing with the person I plan on spending my life with… kinda makes me feel like I’m going to hurl.
So what *I* want is for just the two of us to go see a jp. Quick, simple, done. However… Hank is a guy who loves a very difficult and complex gal, and who sacrifices a lot and bends over backwards for said gal’s complexity. And while he said he’s ok with the jp idea, he has hinted or let slip a couple times that he wants, at the very least, our parents there. But mostly, he’d like to do a small thing at my parents house (something my parents have been fantasizing about for who knows how long, too. They’ve got a big house on 10 acres of property.) I’m perfectly agreeable to jp, then big party at the parents. But I think he wants a “wedding,” regardless of how small. (When he was young, he did a Vegas elopment thing with this ex-wife and… well, he says he doesn’t regret it cause it didn’t last. So I think he wants something a little more substantial with me.)
The other thing is that I’ve always had my heart set on getting married in the Fall. I loooooove Fall. This Fall is out, because work will be too demanding from about August to end of this year. Part of me says, fine, whatever – next October is just as good. Another part of me is just a teensy bit giddy and wants to just do it now. I think he’s up for doing it now, jp style, and doing the party next year… but doing them so far apart seems strange… so, I dunno. We got time to think about it. I’ve just never been very good at planning and waiting for things.
Who’d have thought? When he blew into town I was whiling away my time until my next move, carrying on with my long distance relationship with The Chef, who lived in the Virgin Islands. Hank & met on November 7 – two weeks later I canceled my trip to St Thomas, where I was supposed to spend Thanksgiving with TC. Instead, I flew out to LA with Hank, to spend a week with him when he made his big move out here… and during that week, he repeatedly asked me to move out here with him.
We were standing outside of Cora’s Coffeeshop, waiting for a table, when I said, “That’s a big deal, you know? Are you sure about that?” He knew what I was talking about and said he knew it was big, and he was sure. “So… ok,” I said. “I’ll do it.”
He started looking for an apartment for both of us, versus a bachelor pad for just him – I stayed on the East Coast to finish up with work and save a little more money while we flew back and forth to see eachother every couple weeks. 3 months later, on his birthday, I packed up all my stuff, shipped a few boxes, and landed on his – our – doorstep. And 2 years later The Nugget will make his/her grand appearance.