no sugar tonight in my coffee

Yesterday started out great.  I finally got my ass to the chiropractor and I didn’t realize how much I’d been hurting until I left the chiro’s office to walk to my car and called my mom to yell, gleefully, “THIS IS THE MOST PAIN-FREE 10 FEET I’VE WALKED IN WEEKS!”  It’s sad when you notice the absence of pain more than the presence of it.

I’ve had back problems for all of my adult life.  It started when I was 21 – I dropped my hair brush, bent over to pick it up – and sneezed, as I was bent over.  It blew my back out and I was home for 3 days, other than the chiropractor visits.  She said it was a long time coming, though.

My back pain runs the gamut.  Sometimes I get an immobilizing crick in my neck, sometimes knots between my shoulder blades, or right over one shoulder, sometimes mid back, sometimes lower back, sometimes it’s sciatica (the lovely pain that starts in your butt and radiates down into your leg.)  Mr Nikki has been bugging me to find a chiropractor all year, ever since the time last year when my back freaked out and I was crawling around on the floor, unable to stand.

The past few weeks, I’ve noticed the radiating pain of sciatica again.  Not bad enough to make me run to a chiro, but bad enough that I’ve avoided going on walks and even to drive the 6 blocks to the pool because lately, just walkin 10 feet was making me jerk & spasm.

I finally decided to find a chiropractor because I knew that A) this was being aggravated by pregnancy and B) it would only get worse and C) I know serious back pain.  I do NOT want to wind up getting to the point of being unable to move again.

I’m thrilled with my chiropractor – she was thorough, more so than any chiro I’ve ever been to, but that might be a West Coast thing, too – I’ve never had to wear a hospital gown and strip down to my underwear for a chiro appointment before.  And she seemed very, very knowledgeable of the effects of pregnancy on nerves & backs.  Unlike any of the other chiropractors I’ve been to, she opened up the back of my gown, looked at my knees & hips and said that my right side was lower than my left, and I had an ever so slight curvature.  Not having known me before pregnancy, she said it’s very possible that this was caused, or made more so, by pregnancy – all the shifting and widening of bones.  Which also explains why 98% of the pain I ever have is on the right side.

In any case – I got a “therapeutic” massage (pop! crack! AAAAAH) from her assistant, and then she came in to do some stretching and manipulating of pressure points.  She did say that it was early for me to be having so many problems already, so I get to do a maintenance schedule of every couple weeks.  I’ve always loved chiropractors.  One might say I’m addicted to their services.  So the thought of going every couple weeks thrills me to death.  And I actually walked around all day yesterday with barely the slightest twinge of pain.

So that was that.  My day started off well.  And then I got a call from my ob/gyn office about my glucose test.

And it all went downhill from there.

I blame myself & my neurosis.  I kept saying that this pregnancy has been far too easy thus far, something has to go wrong.  I’ve been worried about the fact that I haven’t worried about anything.  Well, call me up and tell me my glucose was elevated (she may have said “slightly,” but I can’t remember clearly) and I need to go in next week for the 3 hour glucose test, and all hell breaks loose in my mind.

I know better, but… I googled.

I googled and all I could see were the possible dangers.  The slim possibility of developing non-gestational diabetes after the birth, the possibility of him being stillborn, the possibility of him becoming too big & needing a c-section (which I so desperately do not want).

And then looking at the lists of things I have to limit or avoid eating.  Which seriously seems unfair.  The only “risk factor” I have is that I’m over 25 and near 35.  I eat whole foods, never anything processed.  I don’t drink ANYTHING except water & the very rare glass of wine, sometimes %100 natural juice cut with water.  I’m not an obese American who gorges on junk food & soft drinks.  I munch on raw vegetables during the day, I don’t eat bleached flours or white bread – only brown rice, whole grains, etc.  I don’t even eat a lot of those – I have maybe a piece of toast every other day, with tuna fish or eggs, etc.   I eat dairy – whole milk, whole greek yogurt, because it’s good for me and a growing baby.  I exercise.

And yet I still keep wondering, “Did I do something wrong?”  My only concern is that, unlike most women it seems, my appetite has dropped off the past few months.  MY concern is that, while they’ve been telling me to slow my weight gain, I fear I haven’t been eating enough.  I nibble throughout the day but I’ve definitely skipped meals, only because I haven’t been that hungry & not much has been appetizing.

So if I HAVE gestational diabetes, I have to limit my intake of:

• Milk and yogurt
• Fruits and juices
• Rice, grains, cereals and pasta
• Breads, tortillas, crackers, bagels and rolls
• Dried beans, split peas and lentils
• Potatoes, corn, yams, peas and winter squash

Jesus christ.  The 3rd and 4th I can do without & barely eat.  But milk & yogurt?  Beans?  POTATOES, CORN, YAMS, ETC?? Fall is coming, I was planning on making tons of soup with just those things.  What the hell are you supposed to eat?  (Sugar, candy, etc, is obviously a bad thing – but again, I don’t eat much of that, anyway.)

Other than the food issue, I’m just completely paranoid about everything that can go wrong.  This broke the seal.  Mr Nikki & my mom have been trying to tell me not to worry about it yet, wait until I know, until after the 3 hour glucose test, but… that’s easier said than done.  And I KNOW that there are so many worse things that could happen & this is completely manageable & maybe not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things, but… Pandora’s box has been opened, in my mind, and I am worried about all those other things that could go wrong, as well.

I hadn’t given that much thought about my attachment to Nugget up till now because… ya know, he’s just Nugget & he’s there.  But NOW… well, he’s NUGGET.

In any case – this one hour glucose test was after 10 days on the East coast where I did NOT swim or do yoga every day and ate half a wedding cake.  (Did I just say I rarely eat sweets?  It’s true – but mom had decorated the dining room and bought a cake for us, so… special occasion.  Mr Nikki & Mom are both trying to say/tease that those 10 days are why my glucose was elevated and it’ll be fine come Tuesday.)

Just a few days ago, I’d said to Mr Nikki that I wanted to hit the Farmer’s Market this weekend and load up on a week of vegetables, then pick up some fish & poultry & (grassfed) beef at Whole Foods.  I used to cook dinner every night, but lately I’ve just been so befuddled at what to make (pregnancy brain?) and I don’t like a lot of complicated flavors these days.  So my idea was to just have some proteins (fish, etc) on hand, cook that up and saute/steam/roast some plain vegetables.  I love plain vegetables and it’s all I really crave lately.  Beets with a dash of butter & salt, a bit of goat cheese.  Steamed carrots, broccoli.  So that was my plan before this news.

Now that I’ve gotten this news, we’re definitely sticking with that plan.  I have it in my mind that I can do as much as possible over the next 4 days to affect the 3 hour results.  I’ve also been taking probiotic supplements & fermented cod liver oil capsules, religiously.  (I would need an entire other post to talk about the wonders & benefits & why I’m taking those.  I WILL quickly say, however, that probiotics are said to do wonders for allergies, and I have Mr Nikki trying them to see if they ease any of his troubles.)

In the meantime, I will try to distract myself with the swimming (exercise helps get the blood & glucose moving, apparently) and yoga (to keep my back out of trouble.)

I will ALSO try hard not to focus on or get my hopes up about the fact that Nr Nikki was contacted by a recruiter for a company in Seattle.  My unhappiness about living in LA has been increasing – but it’s gone over the top since coming back from visiting my parents.  Being around all that lush green,  all the thunder & rainstorms while I was there and the scent of fall right before I left… unbearable.  I could breathe there.  I could sleep.  Then I come back to LA and her smoky, crappy air, the concrete & overall brown-ness of it all.  I’m ready to go North.  I’m ready to take Nugget north.  As far as I’m concerned, the less time he spends in LA, the better.