Good bye, LA. It was fun for a short while but ya know… You were ok when it was just us, but then Nugget came along and you are no place to raise children. It’ll have been almost 2 years when we leave & I think that’s long enough to say you know a place fairly well, at least enough to know if you want to stay. We gave you a chance.
I will not miss gangsters running through & hiding guns in my front yard.
I will not miss not being able to walk down the main street by our house, to the beach, because it literally passes through gang territory.
I will not miss the film crews outside my house, blocking off all our parking to shoot an H&R Block commercial in the very park where the gun shooting occurred & wondering if they’ll at least hide the blood stain.
I will not miss the !@#$^&*!!! incessant sunshine & crappy holiday weather.
I will not miss picking pumpkins in tank tops and flip flops.
I will not miss the lack of pine scent & spices over Christmas.
I will not miss people who think this is the greatest place on earth and constantly question why on earth we’d ever want to leave.
I will not miss feeling housebound and screaming in the car every time I want to go anywhere. I will not miss the traffic, the inconsiderate, rude & self-centered drivers.
I will not miss the overall vibe and the superficiality of it all.
I will not miss the fucking ants. Or the smog.
I will not miss watching people panic at the fall of a few raindrops.
I will not miss watching people bundle up and complain about the cold on the rare overcast day that tops out at 65 degrees.
I will not miss the weird complacency and complete lack of earnestness.
I will not miss the way people here need to TALK about everything & do lunch & have meetings but never actually work or accomplish anything.
I will not miss the Hollywood bullshit.
I will not miss the softness.
Will I miss anything at all? Hard to say. I’ll miss our little Petit Cafe, where we go for dinner every Friday night. But we’ll find a new ritual to love. I might miss the rare day when I walked down to the beach – but I’ll have beach & ocean & tons of water in Seattle (and I have ALWAYS loved walking beaches & lakes on winter days.) And hell, as much as I love water – there will be TONS more of it in Seattle. I’ll miss the woman who cuts my hair cause she does an AMAZING job with my bangs.
I was never suited to a place like this. I’ve always been a Northern girl. People try to tell us that we’ll get sick of the rain & the gray, but I lived in Prague for 3 years & Mr Nikki lived in England for 2 and we never complained about the weather. Even during our long, gray Northeast winters, I never complained. I just sucked it up and stayed warm, as we Northerners tend to do. We’re tough.
I never even really wanted to come here in the first place, but I wanted to give things with Mr Nikki a try. I griped out it plenty, saying that Los Angeles – and the state of California as a whole, were actually the only places I specifically said I never wanted to go to, to live OR visit. It just ain’t my thing. But I sucked it up & decided to give it a try – I’ll try anything once – and Mr Nikki was worth it. And I talked myself into liking it for a little while – so did Mr Nikki. Just the two of us, it was fine. I even had days where I liked it. But it slowly started to eat away at me, my desire to go anywhere else and then Nugget came along and I had every reason to stop trying to like it.
Mr Nikki, too, was getting fed up at work & life here. I sobbed on the plane when I left the East Coast last time – it was cold & raining and it was my last visit out there until god knows when and I just couldn’t bear being stuck in LA without an end in sight.
A couple months before that, Mr Nikki had come home to find me crying in bed. I don’t remember what got me going – I think it was during the heatwave. And I’d just gotten home from a doctor appointment that was 9 miles away but left me sitting in traffic for 55 minutes. (I’m not kidding.) I reached a breaking point. I’d tried to keep quiet, because I didn’t want to put pressure on him and I knew he’d feel responsible for us being here & finding a new job… but I snapped, and he looked immediately at job postings and saw a posting for this particular position. And after a month of back and forth & then sudden invites to interviews… and also after being told that this position might not work, but they had another one that could be a perfect fit… The position they thought he’d be a perfect fit for was at the same level as what he’s doing now and he didn’t want that. He wanted the BIGGER job, the step up. He’d been working towards a Director position the last few years and that’s what he was fighting for.
So he went up there, pushing for Director, and he blew them away as he tends to do with everyone he meets (myself included) and convinced them that he was totally ready for the challenge.
And as much as I wanted him to get this job because I was f’n miserable in LA, I wanted him to get it even more so because he deserved it, and because it would make him so happy & validate everything he’s done the past 10 years.
I’m torn between feeling anxious & being afraid of it getting yanked out under our feet – because my tendency is to always wait for things to fall apart, and being so excited that I want to start packing NOW. He got an email this morning, telling him they’re working on the official offer letter right now – which means it isn’t a total solid just yet, though it is. This isn’t the kind of company that emails you to say “you got the job” but then rescinds it before the official letter goes out. But still. I’m used to things falling apart and we want this SO BADLY. Which is stupid because, honestly, ever since he came around, I can’t remember the last time anything fell apart. And then there’s Nugget, who I believe has a little bit of magic in him.
And oh, we’ll suffer for it – it won’t all be smooth sailing. Our timing couldn’t be worse. Nugget is due Nov 23, will probably be a little late (or not, what with this home birthing thing) and then when he’s a mere weeks old, we have to be packed & ready to go. We had grand delusions of driving up there, with Nugget, but our Doula talked us out of it. She’s right – we don’t know that he’ll love being in the car like WE did as babies, at least not already. Plus, we’d have to stop every couple hours, for at least 45 minutes. And we’ll have to be settling in to a temporary place to live while looking for houses, all while getting used to being new parents. It’ll be INSANE… and so worth it.
Wherever we are for the time being, we’ll definitely have at least 2 bedrooms. (Oh my god… we’ll be able to buy a HOUSE. A proper house with 3 or 4 bedrooms…) As much as they want to see Nugget ASAP, I’m trying to convince my parents to hold off and come out for Christmas – it’ll be cheaper for them (if they only have to pay for airfare & not hotel, too), they’ll be able to see Nugget for his first Christmas, AND it’ll free Mr Nikki & I up to get things done while they watch Nugget.
OMFG, I say. Can’t believe we’re moving to SEATTLE.